BABYBLUE

Edison Lightbulbs

2012-02-13T13:03:00.000-08:00

loving the look of Edison style lightbulbs! I want them everywhere now

check out this crazy guy

HERE

totally digging on these guys from west elm too

HERE

I WANT EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!

Remade

2012-02-09T13:32:00.001-08:00

Check it!
Madewell remade one of my favorite dresses! This Heather Zinc babe is the perfect day or travel dress. Great for taking a nap and then running out the door. I live in mine still! Wonder if I need a backup?

I am lusting after this new bebe and these shoes!!!!!!!!!! Can I have them please?

Pictors

2012-02-09T12:01:00.000-08:00

happy things

2012-02-03T18:49:00.000-08:00

The three basic needs for happiness are :Autonomy, Relatedness, Competence

The basic needs of humans are:subsistence, protection, affection, understanding, participation,leisure, creation, identity and
freedom.

I keep going over these lists in my head. Working on happiness could be a full time job. Moving on could be a full time job. Getting Divorced and processing the past and years of your life could be a full time job.
I had quite the crash coarse last week. I was hit with the flu, exhausted. Forced to be still at home. What a bunch of shit. Doing the work as my therapist would say. Digging back up those 8 years and facing the terrible pain and acceptance. Over and over and repeat.
The life you want to live could never happen if you had not left.
You did nothing wrong.
You cant change someone or anything.
You deserve happiness.
Love is sometimes not enough.
Love should not feel like that.

I understand so many things now. Like when you have a friend that is in a abusive relationship (not that I was). They have this unbelievable denial. This is not really happening, not between me and him. You want to scream and smack them, what is wrong with you , how can you not see it? I get this all now........
These things cant happen to me. I could never lose what I thought was the love of my life. My family. All of it to a addiction. Or it could lose me to it? An Addiction could never be bigger then us? Addiction is real and its bigger then anything else.
Addiction is bigger then you, bigger then your love. You can never have the life you want with someone and that. repeat over and over.

It gets easier. It will get easier. You wont always feel this way. You will be happy again

Must remember this

2012-01-26T14:28:00.000-08:00

4 things to say to someone going through a break up

HERE

Weekend photos!

2012-01-25T14:02:00.001-08:00

Risotto!

I will kill you in battleship

went to a 90's dance party

more please

Lost NYE Photos

2012-01-25T13:48:00.000-08:00

Dave is a grouch

I held this shot and did but did not drink it.

Older AND Wiser

20's

2012-01-23T12:39:00.001-08:00

So the 20's themed party is this Friday. Last Friday however I ended up attending a speakeasy party last minute.
Thank goodness I had this outfit on deck. Been waiting for the perfect occasion for these shoes.

The party was at a warehouse in the Sodo and they had a photo booth with a trampoline! Cant wait to see the photos

so true

2012-01-22T19:44:00.000-08:00

Right HERE

2012-01-20T16:10:00.000-08:00

READ ME NOW

Madewell and Me, we got a thing going on

2012-01-19T12:11:00.000-08:00

They sent me a little love letter today!
Sunny days are just around the corner!

Thursday

2012-01-19T10:54:00.000-08:00

this song is getting me lately

It seems all my adrenaline has worn out. There is no real cure or thing to do when you are grieving except well grieve. Sit in it. Reflect. Cry. Repeat. I have to say I have been owning the fuck out of my sadness. Not running away from it. It is really really tiring. Kinda love this snow as a excuse to hide in the cave eating processed cookies, smoking out windows, and refusing to put pants on. Pacing around your studio in the new shoes you could not afford, but could not resist because they were 40% off and you have been eyeing them since November.

November was not even that long ago but it feels like 100 years.

Looking back on travel diaries, dancing with headphones on.
Ignoring basic responsibilities like house cleaning or personal grooming

I keep having day dreams, but they are actual dreams from day naps, which you have to take a lot of.
Sometimes I say sorry
Sometimes I yell
Your fucking ruined my life, the life I dreamed of.

Sometimes I don't dream at all
But imagine what it feels like when this weight is lifted. That it has to happen at some point.

Twin Sister - All Around And Away We Go (2010)

2012-01-13T12:49:00.000-08:00

AT VERA PROJECT FEB 7TH
CANT WAIT!

Babe of the week # 39

2012-01-13T12:34:00.000-08:00

Divinyls singer
Christina Amphlett
dirty rock babes look best in school girl/sailor themed dresses
at least that is what I always thought

Music biz apparently does not have dental coverage
still a babe though

wtf do i do with my hair?

2012-01-12T16:05:00.000-08:00

Feeling the hair winds of change blowing in.....
Trying to plot out my next move for cut or color or both.
Here is what my hair kinda looks like now

seeeeeeee

so should I go super beige blonde?

my old faithful?

pixie bob?

grow out the layers?

or
Longer wavy blonde?

via Eat sleep Wear

or knock off Lou like last year?

WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????

With love from Allison

2012-01-11T15:21:00.000-08:00

nothing is real but dreams and love

Saturday BEBE

2012-01-11T14:22:00.000-08:00

Obsessed with this girl, on the cover of M83's Saturdays and Youth Album
Slowly collecting pieces to recreate her look on me!
Still looking for the perfect polka dot sock!

HERE

HERE

HERE

At least I have my wolf hat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

inquire
HERE

Dear Jeffrey Campbell

2012-01-11T12:06:00.000-08:00

You are a asshole! Stop making shoes that keep me up at night

WHAAAAAAAA

Not as happy as it sounds

2012-01-11T12:00:00.000-08:00

I want to sleep in a Lake tooo, but I guess on one will have to do

Roar

2012-01-10T13:59:00.000-08:00

Have a 20's themed party at the end of the month, so I picked up this little number.

HERE
Can always add another black dress to my collection! Love me a LBD

all I need is some orange/red lips

and waves!

Post therapy coffee break

2012-01-09T13:47:00.000-08:00

at essential bakery, I over hear a mom say to her child.

"See how hard it is to chew when you put that much food in your mouth"

so fucking true on so many levels

Paint Chip Placemat

2012-01-09T12:49:00.000-08:00

When I was a kid I would always be hypnotized but the paint samples at hardware stores. Just the rows and rows of bright colors.
So in love with these mats

HERE

and table runner!!!!!!!!!!

HERE

My dream car

2012-01-08T21:17:00.000-08:00

THE AMC PACER

FOR REALZ

A Room Obliterated

2012-01-04T11:56:00.000-08:00

Yayoi Kusama

what a cool installation!!

Via POPPYTALK

This jacket is perfect

2012-01-03T15:32:00.000-08:00

YEYEYEYEYE

no need to worry, they dont have it in my size ANYWAYS!!!!!!!!

GOODBYE, FIRST LOVE

2012-01-03T14:22:00.000-08:00

This movie looks painful!!

List me

2012-01-03T13:52:00.002-08:00

Here is my list of things I wanted to accomplish before I turned 30
Some seem a little silly now, when I think of what I have accomplished really.

I love lists so much btw

1. ~~GET A DOG!!!!!!!!!!!~~ (Brie has replaced the dog)
2. LEARN HOW TO PLAY A SONG ON THE GUITAR
3. ~~TAKE OR BOOK ANOTHER EURO VACATION~~
4. ~~GO TO THE DENTIST~~
5. LIGHTEN THE FUCK UP <-----getting pretty close
6. BUY BALLET PACKAGE AND USE IT
7. GET ACUPUNCTURE
8. ~~LOSE THOSE LAST 8 LBS OR FUCKING GET OVER IT~~ ?
9. RECORD A REAL SONG WITH B
10. WRITE MORE, REALLY WRITE <-- does blogging count?
11. TAKE FRENCH LESSONS
12. TAKE SPANISH LESSONS
13. ~~CLEAN OUT HALL CLOSET~~
14. ~~FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING WITH YOUR LIFE~~
15. ~~MAKE MORE GIRL FRIENDS, AT LEAST ONE!~~
16. ~~LEGALLY CHANGE NAME~~
17. GET A TATTOO OF A TYPEWRITER
18. HUG AND KISS B AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE
19. ~~SEE MY MOMMA~~
20. ~~SEE MY NIECE~~
21. WRITE MORE RECIPES
22. SEW A COMPLETE DRESS, OR FINISH THE HALF COMPLETED ONES
23. QUIT SMOKING (EXCEPT ON EURO VACATIONS)
24. ~~DRINK MORE WINE~~ (should drink less)
25. READ ALL OF SOMERSET MAUGHAM'S BOOKS (ALL THE REST THAT IS)<----getting close
26. WRITE MORE LETTERS
27. ~~STOP DRINKING COKE IN THE CAN~~
28. HIKE MORE OR MAKE ATTEMPT TO BE "OUTDOORSY"
29. ~~GO TO PORTLAND~~
30. ~~WEAR LIPSTICK MORE~~

Here is my List of personal Achievements in 2011

1. Travelled to Europe alone
2. Started Therapy and for the time being beat my panic attacks
3. Learned to really Love myself
4. Moved into my first solo apartment
5. I would not call filing for Divorce a achievement..... but...... Doing the right thing for yourself and really for someone you love is terrible and hard . Actually following through is harder. So yes I guess it is a fucking achievement,
6. Went off anti depressants
7. Stood up for myself, Cut ties with fart heads
8. Learned to lean on people
9. Fully enjoyed my own company on my 30th birthday thousands of miles from home
10. Learned that I will never be alone in this world with my wonderful friends,family, and myself

I guess I learned more then I achieved

Here is my List of goals, hopes, dreams for 2012

1. have as much fun as possible
2. be happy.... all the time
3. voice appreciation to the ones I love. more and more
4. read more
5. right more
6. lighten up
7. travel travel travel
8. pay off credit cards
9. buy a fucking step stool already
10. be happy...... all of the time

Babe of the week # 38

2012-01-03T13:47:00.000-08:00

Serial dater/Man eater
hair dream baby
Michelle Phillips
Her style is effortless! EFFORTLESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Egg in a hole

2012-01-03T13:33:00.000-08:00

This was a ghetto favorite of mine when I first lived on my own
Funny it has been legitimized by Real Simple
HERE

Can I have these please?

2011-12-30T11:09:00.000-08:00

everything looks good when your a broke bebe

OK!
K

K????????

KK!

K!

K!!!!!!!!!!

what!

2011-12-28T17:31:00.000-08:00

Oregon sky

2011-12-28T16:23:00.000-08:00

Christmas Boats and Merry Oats

2011-12-28T15:19:00.000-08:00

The Devil is tempting me

2011-12-28T13:17:00.001-08:00

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

White Elephants and Christmas Crackers

2011-12-28T12:16:00.000-08:00

Where Do We Come From? What Are We?

2011-12-27T14:58:00.000-08:00

WHERE ARE WE GOING

Sometimes in life you find little things.
A passage in a book
A painting

Something, Anything
in the Universe
Telling you
I FEEL IT TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bernard's is weird......

2011-12-22T17:09:00.000-08:00

and dirty...
but I kinda like it

MORE HERE

WE ALL NEED a Oversized Camel Coat

2011-12-22T10:16:00.000-08:00

HERE

HERE

HERE

HERE

HERE

HERE

HERE

HERE

Dear Michelle

2011-12-22T10:09:00.000-08:00

gimme that outfit!!!!!!!!!

The man with dancing eyes

2011-12-21T17:09:00.000-08:00

I owned this at one point where did it go?????????

Pierre lives on a house boat and wears Louboutins.

Rumor has it, this story is based off of Sophie Dahls romance with Mick Jagger

Sophie wearing a similar outfit to Pierre in this old YSL ad

Damn

2011-12-20T16:58:00.000-08:00

NORA EPHRON!!!!!!!! This piece on the big D, hit me hard. Especially this passage. (minus the affair)

-----------------------
But the truth is you don't always know you're getting a divorce. For years, you're married. Then, one day, the concept of divorce enters your head. It sits there for a while. You lean toward it and then you lean away. You make lists. You calculate how much it will cost. You tote up grievances, and pluses and minuses. You have an affair. You start seeing a shrink. The two of you start seeing a shrink. And then you end the marriage, not because anything in particular happened that was worse than what had happened the day before, but simply because you suddenly have a place to stay while you look for an apartment, or $3,000 your father has unexpectedly given you.

HERE

-----------------------

Now I cant say things happen so cut and dry. I will say one thing I learned about marriage is that is constant water treading . It can be fine one day but as soon as someone stops it drags the other down and vice versa.
It might be the worst thing in the world.

Shit Girls Say - Episode 2

2011-12-20T16:28:00.000-08:00

a must see!!!!!!!!

2011-12-20T15:36:00.000-08:00

for any fashion lover or soul searcher

Bill Cunningham New York

Love his approach on life, sense of humor, and the way he makes good use of duck tape.

Weekend

2011-12-19T16:19:00.000-08:00

This weekend was pretty sweet have to say.
Threw a pretty exciting White Elephant party/ House warming. Pics to come

Sunday was spent with brunch at this new amazing place!
SKILLET

I ate a Brioche grilled cheese that should be illegal!

Then Ula and I shopped around
We found the most amazing book

I wish I could quote some things from this book but they are too nasty....
The author was successful in life and after his death 900lbs of erotic writing was found.
Has some pretty hilarious tips on manners. Good girls dont pee on radiators!

Then I cashed in my gift cards and got this amazing shirt

I also scored the deal of the century at Madewell! Rust colored knee high riding boots for $88!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It really pays to look at every nook and cranny of that place. Thank you Mija and BOYERS!

I spent Sunday night cleaning and watching this

I so love Ten Danson!

links

2011-12-18T21:53:00.000-08:00

CUTE CARD

ADORABLE BUT NOT QUITE PRACTICAL RING

A PIC FROM 100 YEARS AGO

PRETTY LAMP

MY

FRIEND LIZ

MADE THESE AMAZING VIDEOS

!!!!!!!!!!!!

Weekend

2011-12-18T11:21:00.000-08:00

At Top POt in last nights clothes.
Ate bean dip for breakfast

This video is crazy!
HERE

hahaha

more later

Babe of the week # 37

2011-12-16T15:34:00.000-08:00

IDA NO!!!!!!!!!!
more like IDA YES!!!!!!!!!

singer of Glass Candy super babe!
hey lady
I
like a
Them
Dance
moves

Champagne Cocktail

2011-12-14T15:54:00.000-08:00

My friend Ula is always going on about Champagne Cocktails

I have yet to try them..... but want to!
Especially after seeing this picture! They look like liquid rose gold!
here is the recipe

3 oz of champagne
1/3 oz of cognac
2 dashes of Angostura bitters
1 sugar cube

1.) Soak sugar cube in champagne flute with angostura bitters 2.) Add champagne and cognac
3.) Garnish with a sprig of currents

over at little winter bride

LOVE is ART

2011-12-14T15:50:00.000-08:00

what a dirty idea!!!!!!!!

HERE

Damn you

2011-12-13T16:57:00.001-08:00

Figuring out a way to get my hands on these things......... What can I sell or steal and then sell!!!!!!!!!

I realize I live in a fantasy world

filing papers tomorrow........

HA

2011-12-13T14:28:00.001-08:00

Mija weekend

2011-12-13T09:41:00.000-08:00

Babe Pad Preview

2011-12-12T19:22:00.000-08:00

MIJA PALMIER

2011-12-12T18:50:00.001-08:00

Palmiers are the best friend cookie (as far as I am concerned) . They are sort of shaped like Hearts and break apart like those old school necklaces. My Mija was here this weekend and these are her favorite cookies. How many pictures can I share with you of us eating them... AS MANY AS I FUCKING WANT!!!!!!!!!! this is my blog you know

STAR WARS

2011-12-10T15:36:00.000-08:00

This past Thursday was the Capitol Hill art walk. I stopped in, to the LTD Gallery To this amazing Star Wars exhibit. This one of Leia was my fave. Does anyone have 3 grand I can borrow. It really took my breath away. If only the iphone could capture it.

There was a man dressed like Darth Vader and some storm troopers.
Have you ever seen a storm trooper dance like a raver? I have...

Lil girls!!!!!!!!!! (Des do not read if you want to be surprised)

2011-12-10T14:57:00.000-08:00

Here are my sweet bebes! All ready for Xmas.
I sent some secret things to DC with my Mom, but keep finding things for these Berries!
I stumbled across this amazing book! So great for the animal lover (it runs in the family, like long lashes)

Then I got this funny little book!

It is one of a series. They also have
this one

and

this one

wish i was a dj i would play these

2011-12-09T16:01:00.000-08:00

OLD LOVES

2011-12-08T14:45:00.000-08:00

thinking alot about love as of late..
when things dont work
where does the love go?
and if it stays, where do you put it?

Getting a real kick out of this blog

HEREILOVEYOU

thinkING of Serge and Jane makes me sad.... how could they fall out?

Gene and Cher??????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The beautiful and the damned Xelda and Scott

YE YE

2011-12-07T11:03:00.000-08:00

Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! enter THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

then win and take me!
K?
X!

DJ Hefner?

2011-12-06T12:21:00.000-08:00

OMG

whats new....

2011-12-06T11:37:00.000-08:00

I like to keep my cookbooks by the cat shitter too

A Original Piece of work from my dear Mel

I decided to let Xmas happen when I found this!

If LO owned a pizza place it would look like this.... I think

babe of the week #38

2011-12-06T09:54:00.000-08:00

The way you drop
Is like a stone
Making out you're flying
But you've just been thrown

Till kingdom comes
And through bitten tongues
These eyes get stung
With every curse that's sung

These twisted times
Can't compare to mine
And heaven knows
Where loving goes

I should have guessed
When I took that pill
Do I love her still
Well that's just a chill

HOPE SANDOVAL
my teen idol.....
I would have dressed just like her, had I the resources and thighs.
Her eyebrows are a force to te reckoned with.
To me she is the Francoise Hardy of the late 80's and 90's

The Beauty of a Ugly Addiction

2011-12-01T13:18:00.000-08:00

Why are these so breathtaking?

HERE

feeling this today

2011-12-01T12:47:00.000-08:00

the monologue at the end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A little to Bjork?

2011-11-29T14:01:00.000-08:00

Or the perfect balance of ballerina/ party girl?

Where could I wear this?

Shit I would wear it to work if I thought I could get away with it

HERE

Lacy Love

2011-11-29T13:44:00.000-08:00

I feel like I have owned this dress in several reincarnations! All colors please!!!!!!!

HERE

yeye

2011-11-27T18:52:00.000-08:00

HERE

my favorite kind of summer shoe

I miss you summer

Oranges Reds and Yellows these are the colors

2011-11-27T18:04:00.000-08:00

lOVE this

Holidaze

2011-11-27T17:48:00.000-08:00

Have been absent. The Nan was in town. Funny how family and holidays can bring on so much emotion.

There is a constant present of male disappointment in my life. Maybe I am so much of a romantic to think love is strong enough to hold things together. To wish the best. To be there is sickness and in health. What if both are sick. What if only one carries the weight. People do get scared, and can only do their best. I still believe in love. I cant believe I could have failed at something. Maybe I did. Maybe that is what they were always talking about all along. Things can never be what they seem. A conversation with someone whose love I always tried to live up too confessed that it was something that they had tried to escape many times. The things they were trying to save were the things that were left broken because of it.
These growing pains hurt so bad. They say the three hardest things in life are : Death, Divorce, and Moving. I have to tell you Divorce is the worst. Because it combines them all, the death of something and the moving forward. It scrapes the whole way. Being the trigger puller throws you at the mercy of others constant judgement. You face the pain of feeling it die long before you say anything. The nerves, the guilt, the shame, the fear. The begging, the denial . I get that. Every moment is easier then the last, but not so much easy. You can only count on change. It happens with or without you

WOW

2011-11-23T15:20:00.001-08:00

week round up

2011-11-22T17:32:00.001-08:00

Penthouse views (for work)

Merry Christmas outfit at age 30

surprise wrist corsage (sexy finger pose)

yummy apple manchego salad!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good Bye Orange Hello Pale Pink!!!!!!!!

2011-11-22T13:57:00.000-08:00

loving these lips for winter!

Hope Brew

2011-11-22T09:49:00.000-08:00

Went to a really cool event supporting this charity
Get Hitched Give Hope

It was western themed as you might have guessed and they had a pretty rad photo booth!

really wanted to steal the horse mask

I saw this today

2011-11-22T09:38:00.000-08:00

\
and screamed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Want to tint back my hair asap and go back to my sailor roots!

Theophilus London

2011-11-22T09:20:00.000-08:00

this song gets it my head!!!!!!
reminds me of this song

LOVES

2011-11-21T18:14:00.000-08:00

I am so geeked on printed sweaters.
added a new one to my collection, thanks to my momma!
will show you later
yeyeyeyeye

WoW! I Totally want a home now

2011-11-21T18:09:00.000-08:00

just so I can put a indoor swing in in it!

Via Honestly WTF

I had no idea they had more of these!!!!!

2011-11-21T10:15:00.000-08:00

SOOOO cute!

white days are better then gray days

2011-11-21T09:47:00.001-08:00

http://vimeo.com/24843475

babe of the week #37 ?????????

2011-11-18T13:03:00.000-08:00

NaNCY sINATRA!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHE is a total butter face babe but I love her!!!
I always think she was at her best with Lee Hazelwood

"Young woman share your fire with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

mel bebe

2011-11-16T10:39:00.001-08:00

Veiw From Warwick Penthouse!

2011-11-16T10:38:00.001-08:00

Garlic whole wheat pretzel bites!!!

2011-11-16T10:08:00.000-08:00

Why yes
you can make there for me
YUMMM

Roller

2011-11-10T14:34:00.000-08:00

Ever since seeing this picture I have been roller obsessed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to see this movie now!

WOW probably my new favorite blog reviews this movie

Lou

2011-11-06T13:28:00.000-08:00

is my hair soul mate... some how we end up on the same page. hers is way better though

babe of the week # 36

2011-11-06T12:07:00.000-08:00

Drummer Percussionist Super Babe Shelia E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I could listen to love bizarre all day
All twelve glorious minutes

The moon up above, it shines down upon our skin
Whispering words that scream of outrageous sin
We all want the stuff that's found in our wildest dreams

Hello i love you

2011-11-04T13:46:00.000-07:00

GET IT

I want you

2011-11-02T15:33:00.001-07:00

GET IT

GET IT

GET IT

Rock to sleep

2011-11-02T11:49:00.000-07:00

A rocking bed!
WHOA

I kinda want to fall asleep in this field now that we are dreaming
hurry up were dreaming

babe of the week # 35

2011-11-01T13:49:00.000-07:00

Laurie Bird!!!!!!!
Lover of Art Garfunkel
Photographer
Lover of Valium

Her hair is perfection

Halloweenies

2011-11-01T12:55:00.001-07:00

the only evidence that this weekend happened.
tooo tooo tooo much fun
and now before I become a capitol hill cliche, I have decided to take a vacation from libations

I dressed like a gramma today to balance it all out

amazing

2011-10-31T17:34:00.000-07:00

back in the 90's i used to always post on a hardcore message boards in the form of haiku.
it got to be a little bit of addiction, to the point where my brother and i would only correspond in 5 7 5's

this book looks amazing

HEEEEHEEE

Pumped Up Kicks

2011-10-31T15:39:00.000-07:00

Have a feeling this will be on repeat all week.
Dance walk!

Fly Girls !

2011-10-30T18:43:00.000-07:00

Whatever happened to the Fly Girls?
They were my favorite part about Sunday night as a kid. Go to "bed" after the Fox lineup, always having to much energy to sleep. If no one was around I would quietly hop out of bed and bust out some moves in the dark

Last night I made my dream childhood come true

I have to say I dont know how peole dance with huge earrings in.
OR! How the hell people use the bathroom with longs nails. I could not even get my shorts off or back on.

ok

2011-10-28T15:02:00.000-07:00

trying to download guns and roses and the web connection here sucks. some days are like this i guess.
last night the cookie finally crumbled. i cried, i cried the real cry. the kind of scary cry that hurts so bad your friends start crying too. it is out now. had to be extracted with lots of dancing and red and white wine.

you know that the sign of a real real friend, is the one that cries for you while your crying.

that asshole texted me last night apologizing again and even had the nerve to bring up that fact that his parents are dead and his wife and him have had lots of problems. how the fuck he got my number i have no idea. what is with people or dudes in general. sorry i hurt you but it hurts me more to have hurt you so you should feel bad for meeeee me me me. selfish pieces of shit.
i turn in the keys today. wonder what that will feel like...... just got to take them as the come.
thought it would be nice if i could blare night train. seems to be my theme song. everything is as it should be right now i guess

met some guys from dc last night. people must think i am just nuts. i mean i am a little. "that person is nuts" was like the highest compliment my dad could pay someone. anyways!!!!!!!!! i tried to check in to vermilion for a second and they were closing. i see a van with dc plates and started shouting dis chord bands at then. (what a ass!) anyways i might go see them tonight.

I remember a awesome mixed tape a guy gave my friend based on the 7 stages of grief.
Which by the way are...

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

7 Stages of Grief...

5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

That said here are the top 5 best break up songs sez me
in no particular order

and then later

Typhoon - Starting Over (bad habits)

2011-10-28T11:06:00.001-07:00

Typhoon - Starting Over (bad habits)

2011-10-28T11:06:00.000-07:00

Fire Paw

2011-10-27T12:32:00.000-07:00

oh man

2011-10-27T12:29:00.000-07:00

This is bound to make me cry!!!!!!!!!!! Fucking Flea!!!!!!!! You just broke my day!

snuggle town

2011-10-26T16:46:00.000-07:00

WHHHHHA

WHAAAA