milking it

I have a very magical gift for injuring myself in the most ridiculous ways. Never broke a bone (knocks on wood), sprained anything, or had any major surgery with the exception of wisdom teeth and adenoids. I have however

-stepped on a nail age 4

-tore my cornea after getting sand in my eye on the playground age 7

-set my hair on fire and suffered serious burns on my neck age 25

-blackened my right ass cheek after falling down stairs age 25

-dislocated my knee cap, playing right field in softball ( i tried to be a joiner) age 13

- blistered the interior of my hand on a sparkler, safe for kids my ass age 27

-tore the skin on my knee in half after riding a bike down stairs age 8

today while walking into work I somehow rammed my foot into the point of a escalator. I was wearing my jeffery campbell havana sandals that were falling apart already so they offered no protection . I felt a gross wetness and looked down to see my shoe filling up with blood. I limped through all the connected buildings with my foot slipping. Praying not to run into any clients. I called my coworker to come meet me with a towel. As soon as she saw me she was in stitches, and then gagged. Mona my coworker is the ebony to my ivory btw. She cleaned me up very nice while I shoved doritos in my mouth and complained. There was so much blood she had to ask which toe it was. I didn't know to be honest, it didn't hurt really the blood just creeped me out. It is really really wet and sticky. ugh *gag* It was just one big gash * gag*

I called everyone who I thought might care and sent pictures of my shoe. It reminded me of romy and michelle's high school reunion, which I love to quote.

What you see above is my rad husbands handy work, he should be a murse.