yesterday when i got home from work, i layed on the couch and starting watching some pbs channel . there was a special on spain and i got all excited about my trip. i called my mom on her home phone and she did not answer. she called me a few minns later from her cell and imformed me that my father has declined and they are not sure he will make it through the nite. she was calling me and my brother so we could say goodbye via cell phone. she sounded in good spirits and we had a nice chat. chalk it up to a state of shock or disbelief. who knows at this point. i mean we have been dealing with this for over 10 years. i say ok. let me talk to him. i will hang up when i'm done...... my mom then accidently hangs up on me. i call back. we have a good laugh. i say ok lets do this. my mom nom then informs me that my father can no longer hear out of one ear and she can not remember which one. so she will let me speak in each ear.
ear number one- dad i love you and i want you to know that
mom chimes in.... ok other ear. i tell her to just hold it up and i will hang up when i'm done.
jeez i hope its the good ear
ear number two- dad i love you and i want you to know that you were the best dad anyone could ever ask for. i'm very happy and safe. and i love you so so much
now i know it doesn't matter if he heard me. he knows i love him and all that shit.
i feel like there is a bubble around me and thought everyone seems sincere. i dont feel sincere.
i dont feel like anything is really happening. well i didn't until i just wiki'd alzheimer's
and re read all the stages. i remember doing all the research long ago and the breakdown.
i wish to to go back to the old days when things were just getting started. i know i gave him all the love. i know he knows. i know he is going someplace better. i know everything happens for a reason. i know he will always be with me. i know in my heart i would never take back anything i did. i know in my heart i did everything i could.
I JUST DONT WANT NOW TO BE NOW and i dont know how to deal with it.
here is the super rad/awesome looking plant i got for my birthday from my dear friend vicky!
it is a Tillandsia!!!!!!!!!! Tillandsias are a attactive and fascinating member of the pineapple family. they are native to Latin America where they are found growing on rocks and trees without soil. i have mine hanging in the window! love it!
also in this photo is a rad comic that it was packaged with. sadly hefner spilled water on it. would have liked to keep it.
At my favorite pasta place in the market, they give you a cute recipe with every purchase.
I was intrigued by this recipe but had to make a few changes. I used agave instead of honey, and tofu instead of chicken, and braggs liquid aminos instead of soy. We ate this warm the first day and cold the next, right out of the bowl with the fridge door open.
Pacific Rim Pasta Salad
1/2 LB pasta
1 large block firm tofu cubed
1/4 cup diced green onions
2 large bell peppers, bite size pieces
1 bunch cilantro, chopped
1/2 cup raw peanuts
1/4 cup olive oil (plus a little more for frying)
2 tbs white vinegar
1 tbs agave
3 tbs liquid aminos
1 tbs red chili flakes
1 tbs garlic minced
1 tbs ginger root, peeled and finely minced
1. combine sauce ingredients in a bowl, cover and refrigerate for at least 30 minns
2. cook pasta till al dente
3. fry tofu cubes in some oil till toasty brown on all sides
4. in a small pan, roast peanuts until fragrant, chop coarsely
5. in a large serving bowl add cooked/ or cooled pasta , tofu, green onions, peppers and sauce.
Someone once told me that if a large moth is in your house it it a relative visiting. There is a huge one on my kitchen ceiling right now. After the biggest panic attack of my life yesterday, and tremors all day today i cant help but be comforted by it and freaked out at the same time.
here is yet another skinny bitch recipe..... i make it almost every monday and put it in my sweet peas lunch so he stays full and wont eat burger king.
i never follow a recipe exactly because i do not like to waste a whole can of something because a recipe calls for one cup. your never gonna eat the rest of the can of corn in the fridge so put the whole fucking thing in the salad! waste not want not
1-half bag frozen shelled edamame
1-can red kidney beans drained rinsed
1-can chic peas drained rinsed
2- green onions sliced
1- red pepper sliced and diced
2-tbs parsley fresh italian or dried
place all ingredients in a large bowl (with a lid for later)
stir so that everything is well acquainted
in a smaller bowl, start your dressing
3-tbs red wine vinegar
1-big spoon full of dijon mustard
3-tbs olive oil
whisk together and then drizzled over salad.
stir and then let sit in fridge for at least one hour
They are my new Obsession!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I drink one every morning now and find myself in the best of fucking moods! The best part is.... Josh gets home before i do most days and washes the blender for me! In a new effort to avoid soy (processed soy , tempeh and miso are still ok) I have been researching alternatives. So happy to have found almond milk and hemp milk! they are so much better for you, no Gmos, and oh so yummy.
So my new fave smoothie creation is...
Almond chocolate kinda tastes like a milkshake/cookie
(if you remember take banana out of freezer at least 20 minns prior to making smoothie, you will have a easier time getting the peel off. Otherwise you will be standing over the sink jerking off a icicle, it feels so wrong)
1 cup almond milk
5 tbps choclate HempShake by Nutiva
2 tbs Almond Butter
blend blend blend
soooooo yummy. my camera needs batteries so now photos on my yummy creation!
I adapted my own version here from the skinny bitch series book, skinny bitch in the kitch!
which i suggest picking up for some basic recipes
1- box brown rice pasta
6 tbs vegan butter
10 garlic cloves (stinky!)
1/4 cup nutritional yeast
5 tbs green goddess salad dressing (the garlic one, make sure to get the vegan brand annies i think)
2 zucchini sliced
1 head of broccoli cut into bite size pieces
1 bunch of kale ripped into bite size pieces
1/4 pine nuts
cook pasta according to directions. when you have 4 minns left add all your veggies and cook together in the same pot. reserving 1/4 cup of water, drain and let it all chill for a minn in the colander.
meanwhile melt butter and add garlic. cook on medium heat until garlic is tender, be careful not to burn! mash garlic with a fork.
add a few scoops or pasta and veggies into the pot at a time and drizzle with garlic butter, stirring till it is all coated. add in your green goddess salad dressing and sprinkle nutritional yeast. should be a little creamy and tangy. stir in 1/8 the cup on pine nuts . serve warm and sprinkle top with remaining pine nuts and salt and pepper . yum!
I had to quit the master cleanse. Not to be too personal but i got my period and that was just to much for me. On to raw food for a bit......
I forgot to mention how fantastic yesterday was. Josh and I walked downtown then took the monorail to seattle center. Much to my surprise they have a roller coaster there!!!!!!! I started screaming when I saw it, I was so excited. We rode it twice. It was Josh's first roller coaster ride ever! The Windstorm! The fastest $17 we have ever spent but worth it for sure. I was so jealous of all my friends in nyc because they have coney island, well jealous no more. my love promised to take me here whenever i am sad.
So today is my first day of the Master Cleanse. I have tried it before and only made it to day 3.
I keep trying not to think about it or make a big deal. I felt pretty great all day. Only now at 9:07 am i starting to feel like shit. I have thee worst headache. Jeez what is in my body.
I told myself when i started this that i would just go as long as i could and not set any limits for myself. So we shall see.
I drank half of my salt flush a half hour ago, so far nothing has happened. The last time i attempted to drink a liter of salt water i barfed it right back into the sink. This time was a little more successful.
After years of managing horrible acne with proactive, my friend turned me on to Caudalie . Sure its expensive but get over it . Having a pizza prone face since age 9 can wreck havoc on your self esteem. i started with this kit. A steal of a deal at $32. i just bought one for my BFF who is staying with me for a week and a half. Spreading the wealth. The whole line is made from grapes! No Sodium Laureth Sulfates! the lip balm is amazing and all natural, the face wash is non drying, and the beauty elixir works as a great pimple zapper.
This is my best friends amazing garden!!!!!! Not bad for a first try huh? Look how cute these labels are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well look at this sad sally........ i spent many summer nights here with my Dad eating hotdogs with no ketchup and drinking "ice cold pop" that was very warm and diluted. I loved it! the city seemed so exiting to me. wha wha check out this cute cookie i bought for my friend and she probably never ate the train station! i bought a really cool print of it, i should post it!!!!!!