Monday, July 23, 2012
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Tonight I am drinking a little glass of rose, that tastes like juice and looking at pictures of Zelda Fitzgerald Zelda Fitzgerald to F. Scott Fitzgerald (1920) I look down the tracks and see you coming – and out of every haze & mist your darling rumpled trousers are hurrying to me – Without you, dearest dearest I couldn’t see or hear or feel or think – or live – I love you so and I’m never in all our lives going to let us be apart another night. It’s like begging for mercy of a storm or killing Beauty or growing old, without you. I want to kiss you so – and in the back where your dear hair starts and your chest – I love you – and I can’t tell you how much – To think that I’ll die without your knowing – Goofo, you’ve got to try to feel how much I do – how inanimate I am when you’re gone – I can’t even hate these damnable people – Nobodys got any right to live but us – and they’re dirting up our world and I can’t hate them because I want you so – Come Quick – Come Quick to me – I could never do without you if you hated me and were covered with sores like a leper – if you ran away with another woman and starved me and beat me – I still would want you I know – Lover, Lover, Darling – Your Wife
Its no lie my last real post was a little... something. Its also no secret I cook when I'm in any mood short of stoked, Here are two recipes that have hit it big. Kale and Onion Pie Here Is the recipe via serious eats The crust puffs up big time. I suggest a big dollop of Trader Joes Dijon aioli , it may be the nectar of the gods I have been on a serious ice cream making trip and it takes a lot of work I wont lie. After attending a home show I got on the mailing list for Better Homes and Gardens. in a recent issue I came across this super easy ice cream recipe and holy shit was it a hit. I made a double batch and gave it away to :friends, neighbors, and family. Almost feel guilty for taking any credit. Here is the recipe. It is a goooody
Monday, July 16, 2012
As of lately I have been trying to figure out many things. #1 on the list is myself. When you go through so many changes in one year (most of them caused by a crazy force of nature aka inner psyche ) it is hard to grasp where or who you are. The person you were, the person that got you where you are, the person you want to be (if you know who or what the is), or the person you are now. Who is in a absolute state of transition. About a year ago I reached my first wedding anniversary and not to shortly after started facing some seriously scary feelings. I was very unhappy. My body was out of control and I found myself grasping at strings trying to hold myself together and crying out to my spouse. They might feel differently about this. I dunno its my fucking blog. I like to say I was holding my shit together. Literally I could not go number 2 no matter what I ate. The irony is the day I left it started flowing. Today I am still moving and changing. My ex and I are on pretty good terms for being newly divorced. A lot of ghosts came out of a lot of closets and there is still a lot of love and acceptance between us. I still find myself suffering the loss. Sadly it could be the loss of a union that may of never been there. The kind of union people speak of when they take vows. Coming off that I surprised many people including myself with inner strength and the nerve to walk away from my 8 year bond and the only family I had 3 thousand miles away from where I started. I do not feel regret but I feel loss or lost. I feel like I cant fully grasp what love is anymore. Is is about caring? companionship? honesty? I feel like I was bred to think that love was about self sacrifice and now I think that might be complete bullshit. I feel lost when I think about religion (not god) but religion. I found myself staring at a picture depicting Noah's Arc and I thought to myself that could of never fucking happened but what a cute story. Despite where I am with my love life these days. I for the first time in my life have been asked or it has been suggested to me by my significant other to figure out what my passion is or really what will make me happy in my life. This could be the most terrifying thing ever. Could a career be like love? Could it be more then something I can just do, something more then what feels like self sacrifice. Its strange. What gives me the right or luck or curse to be in a situation to tap into what my dreams are. If that even means anything. I have been looking into non credit classes to try and tap into myself. A language class, a writing class. I keep thinking about social work. For so long I have always boxed myself in finding the reasons why not. I can not let myself do that anymore. If I can rebuild my entire life and take on all the shit that comes with that. Why cant I take a math class or see myself as something bigger and smarter. These past few days have been intense. I bailed out of a trip and have spent more time alone then I ever have since my solo Euro vacation. When you sit still a lot of things can boil up. Re learning how to be alone and what I like and what I do when I have no one else to think about can be very difficult for me. I wonder... where is everyone? it is not as if I do not have anything to do. I have plenty of things that need to be done. Its like I do not know how to relax. There is go and sleep. Maybe that is just the right pace for starting a new path. Go and Sleep. I guess we shall see.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Love will save you when the ocean splits itself in two Love will save you when the cold wind blows right through you Love will save you when the poison eats the precious air And love will save you from the snake that crawls around down there But it won't save me Love will save you from the evil and the greed of ignorant men And love will save you from the guilt you feel when you betray your only friend Love will save you from yourself when you lose control And love will save you from all the lies your lover ever told you But it won't save me Love will save you from the truth when you think you're free Love will save you from the cold light of boring reality Love will save you from the corruption of your lazy-minded soul And love will save you from your selfish and distorted goals But it won't save me Love will save you from the black night and the lightning and the ghost Love will save you from your misery, then tie you to the bloody post Love will save you from the hands that pull you down beneath the sea Love may save all you people, but it will never, never save me No it won't save me
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Did you have a good fourth? We had a little party and then went on a adventure to Spokane for a wedding. Took the RV and stopped at little swimming holes on the way. When we got home our neighbor asked us if we wanted to trade homemade ice cream for fresh crab! Have I mentioned I have been making ice cream like crazy!!!!!!!!! Recipes soon for that and crab cakes which I made last night. woo!