Monday, October 31, 2011


back in the 90's i used to always post on a hardcore message boards in the form of haiku.
it got to be a little bit of addiction, to the point where my brother and i would only correspond in 5 7 5's

this book looks amazing


Pumped Up Kicks

Have a feeling this will be on repeat all week.
Dance walk!

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Fly Girls !

Whatever happened to the Fly Girls?
They were my favorite part about Sunday night as a kid. Go to "bed" after the Fox lineup, always having to much energy to sleep. If no one was around I would quietly hop out of bed and bust out some moves in the dark

Last night I made my dream childhood come true

I have to say I dont know how peole dance with huge earrings in.
OR! How the hell people use the bathroom with longs nails. I could not even get my shorts off or back on.

Friday, October 28, 2011


trying to download guns and roses and the web connection here sucks. some days are like this i guess.
last night the cookie finally crumbled. i cried, i cried the real cry. the kind of scary cry that hurts so bad your friends start crying too. it is out now. had to be extracted with lots of dancing and red and white wine.

you know that the sign of a real real friend, is the one that cries for you while your crying.

that asshole texted me last night apologizing again and even had the nerve to bring up that fact that his parents are dead and his wife and him have had lots of problems. how the fuck he got my number i have no idea. what is with people or dudes in general. sorry i hurt you but it hurts me more to have hurt you so you should feel bad for meeeee me me me. selfish pieces of shit.
i turn in the keys today. wonder what that will feel like...... just got to take them as the come.
thought it would be nice if i could blare night train. seems to be my theme song. everything is as it should be right now i guess

met some guys from dc last night. people must think i am just nuts. i mean i am a little. "that person is nuts" was like the highest compliment my dad could pay someone. anyways!!!!!!!!! i tried to check in to vermilion for a second and they were closing. i see a van with dc plates and started shouting dis chord bands at then. (what a ass!) anyways i might go see them tonight.

I remember a awesome mixed tape a guy gave my friend based on the 7 stages of grief.
Which by the way are...

You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

7 Stages of Grief...

As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

That said here are the top 5 best break up songs sez me
in no particular order

and then later

Typhoon - Starting Over (bad habits)

Typhoon - Starting Over (bad habits)

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

snuggle town




Could just be my lady time
As of late when I think of the love I have it makes me want to cry tears of joy
Had so many random lines dropped at a moment when I was beginning to feel sad.
My Mother sent me this painting a long time ago. It reminds her of her love for me.
Makes me sad to think there are people that never get to feel this

My face melted


Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Gang Gang Dance - Chinese High (Gg Remix)



I cant wait to see this.......
Maybe its a bad idea, I just stopped researching cults.
Speaking of which.
Patty Hearst would be a awesome costume

Boner Jams

Sooo sooo SOOOO soooo in Love with this man

“When I was 10, I really loved Iron Maiden so I watched a video of their Live After Death concert. After seeing that performance I wanted to be a rock star and play guitar, so I started learning!”

you love Iron Maiden toooooo?

Je t'aime

Manhattan shoebox apartment

Holy cow
I think last night was the last of the party nights. I am tired..... So tired of fun.
Connected with a old friend and got persuaded to attend a game night. I was thinking like... Life, Scrabble, or my personal fave Battleship!!!!!!!
This was like some D and D shit. I ended up sitting in on a a game called 7Wonders. I really didn't understand it, I just matched colors and followed the rules I could remember. Did I mention I fucking WON! Oh yes ... I won. How? I have no fucking clue.
3 glasses of wine and I was in a cab to meet up with some other friends. I order a beer. Drink like 1/10th and realize I can not hold in my disgust. Home by 11:30

So hung over today. I .......... wont even try and figure out the delicate balance of wine and food and all the walking I did.
Today is get your shit together day and it starts with one of my favorite things in the world.
A LIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but first a list on how to make a perfect list

-be real about it, even the things that seem to huge to accomplish
-take your time
-look at the big picture
-Jesus fuck Hefner just pooped and i cant think, small spaces liter my ass
-add something that is very easy to check off, it gets the checking off going
- you probably cant cure cancer, but you can put it on there

my big new life list. GO!

-get a new phone
-finish cleaning old place
-get thing notarized for insurance return
-buy hook thing for necklaces (see easy!)
- buy garage can for bathroom
-wash rugs at old place
-renters insurance
-fucking credit cards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-change address like now
-mail stuff to brother
-sell shit you are to small for, and pray you dont get fat
-buy blanket for bed before you freeze to death
-get a full length mirror
-restock work bag
-think of ways to make money in down season
-cure cancer?
-get Detroit print framed
-find reason to wear super cute Phillip Lim mini dress you bought while enraged yesterday ($64!)

Monday, October 24, 2011

This is exactly what I needed today

a email from someone I hardly fucking know


Amber, you need to go back and be with Josh. I heard a little bit about you both. Marriage is hard, living here is hard, love is hard. He cares so much for you, you both need to work things out. Being married is a commitment to life's good and bad times. You must learn to share both and work your way around it. That dude is a real great guy and from Detroit, so you get a part of home when you wake up each day with him. I don't know you both too well, but I love you guys, and I hope you will return to him. I can't say enough about Josh. If he was a girl and I was single I would date him. Rad as hell he is... Take care, and think about this? You guys are made for each other. XOXOXO.


fuck you

I wrote a long drawn out response and then deleted it and wrote this

Chris, you need to keep your thoughts to yourself because they can be hurtful. You are right you dont know us very well. You dont know anything about us. All you see is that I left him and he lost his job. you are a asshole

His response?

Dude, wow. I will for sure. The asshole part was rad. All I saying is that good people are hard to find. Sorry.


All I saying is... mind your own fucking biz

Saturday, October 22, 2011



So obsessed with this dress! This kind of thing is almost never done well! weeeeeeeeeeee

So excited about this label Girl
from Band Of Outsiders
Whose page is full of total bearded babes

Friday, October 21, 2011

If you want blood

A favorite song
Done by two of my Favorite groups/artists

so bad ass
then so pretty


Yesterday began many changes....
I had the coolest movers ever. Avi from Tel Aviv... He had this whole paternal warmness and kindness that used to make me cry. I wonder if he would adopt me. He gave me a huge discount and got a parking ticket and would not tell me how much it was. He quoted me for 2 movers but brought 4 and charged me the same. I bought them all water and tipped $100. I think kindness should always be returned with kindness. Sometimes sweet people keep you going. He told me he was proud of me and could not believe how much I have gone through in my life, and that hardships help you live better. I seriously felt like my Dad was talking through this man, now that I think about it. Jesus!!!!!!! getting misty. Have to blare Duran Duran so I don't lose my shit in the coffee shop.
So weird... or not weird. I have been having crazy happy life is beautiful moments. Am I a nutter?

You know what else is beautiful? My friend Mel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just saying.

So So the move move
first here is a photo of Hefner in my closet. You know that his internal dialogue voice is very similar to Tim Gunns voice? Its true

Almost all unpacked. Almost. Drawers lined, clothes hung. Totally becoming a home. Ula is my new macho man, she literally put my bed together for me. All I had to do is serenade her with Careless Whispers and fill her up with red wine. Which is always a pleasure. She snapped this terrible photo of me in my closet. At least you get to see some part of it.

Ta fucking Da

All this joy and bittersweet happiness aside. I have been having some weird encounters with people. Sure things are hard on them or they are weirded out by my situation. Somehow have become a toilet for some serious verbal diarrhea. Have had numerous people vent and complain and unload about terrible breakups on me. Not sure if it is a attempt to console or what. Either way its totally weird. I would compare it to a conversation like this...
ME- I have Cancer
THEM- oh no!
THEM- I had a aunt once that had Cancer and it was really really hard on me
ME- oh man, that's to bad.
THEM- yeah, like super hard.... still not over it. it was so awful for me!!!!!
ME- I'm really sorry
THEM- yeah so if you need anything let me know

ME (in my head)- yeah fucking right, if by need anything you mean listen to you fucking complain about your life. i do not participate in emotional pissing contests.


ME (in my head)- sorry you dated a total fucking asshole and cant get over it. sorry my estranged husband is fucking awesome and we are respectful to each other, that must be what is really hard for you

or just

ME (in my head)- Shut the fuck up

Being sad and angry takes some serious energy. I cant understand it. Sounding way to fucking eat pray love. meh meh
But really. You chose your feelings. You do.

I have been pissing cash away like crazy. Buying things for the place etc. Today I work and have no day off in sight. This feels pretty safe and good to me. Guess a lot of people would not say the same. I like working.
At some point I need to buy food. I have been living off slices on the way home from work. Red wine. Or eating pretzels for dinner. Sometimes I get home and take my pants off and eat pretzels on my bed. I kinda feel like the female Al Bundy. Hand in undies.

I have to get a new cell phone/service. When I imagine what hell is like it is one of 3 places
-a cell phone store
- a bed bath and beyond or linens and things
- on a couch next to a dude playing Halo

and now the most under rated Duran Duran song

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Cuteness update courtesy of ma mere

Its the Berry and Esme! Official Nickname tbd
thinking of
-sweet midge
-lil nugget
-minni ninni
-bebe berry
-berry 2 electric buggaloo
-sweet bear
-bright eyes
-love bug
-sweet paw

Looks like rora got the lashes.... pray she does not get the thighs

Winter is on its way

picked up this guy today

If I ever have a daughter

I hope she will be just like Tavi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How sweet is this interview?
I used to leave notes in books too!

While I am daydreaming.....
I need to invest in the latest issue of Lula toooooooo

Love the Lolita reference.
Which I finished reading on my trip..... some of the sexual references made me gag. I cant lie though. I love me some books on human nature.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

how does the saying go?

So sad
Missed one of my favorite writers last night. He was doing a reading at the librairy by my work..... I read about it after already climbing the hill home. boooooooooooooo
No its not this guy
Its this guy
he is strangely attractive to me.......


Monday, October 17, 2011

Babe of the week #34

Jean Seberg
Oh lala
So tempted to chop my hair off right now!
Or at least by a teeshirt like the one from this classic scene.


So obsessed with this store!
Had the pleasure of walking by many in europe.
Have to say they were always empty!!!!!!!!!!!

the top is my fav! Loving the school girl menswear chic. that is nothing new though

New Moon on MOnday

Picked up keys to new place. Did I mention before that the counters have a boomarang design. BADASS.
Living in transition is weird. Taking down one part of your life and building another. The biggest thing haunting me is.... The baby box. The box with little golden books from when I was a little girl. A berry hat like the one I bought my neice. A pathetic box. Such a weird place to be when you are growing inside. Figuring out what you want in life. Figuring out what you had planned was not really .... I dont know how to finish that sentence.

Before this trip I had never eaten at a resturant alone, seen a movie... anything. As cheesey as it sounds I feel like I gained a huge part of me. Being in the old place, you cant help but face the reality of everything. You really did this. You really did this because everything in you pushed you too. Starting to want to eat again. Wonder if I should keep the old pants. That were the skinny pants...

My doctor told me today to let myself live out this whole time. That I dont need to evaluate it, just live it. This made no sense to me. Isn't that what talking about your life is? Evaluating it? Or looking at it and finding meaning. I wonder if you reader are thinking. What is with this crazy bitch? She is all over the board. Well then.. stop reading


Saturday, October 15, 2011


You know your a grown ass lady when....
-You decide to hire movers
-You wake up at 6am on a Saturday
-You are in the same age bracket as the bitchs from sex and the city
-thats all I got
- Oh wait! Your purchase your first piece of art...... Ok you ask your friend not to sell it to anyone else, till you can afford it

Its the guy on the left.... while your at it look how amazing my friends work is

better then your stupid friends!

Cant wait to read this and listen to this!!!!!!!!!!